Often
in our everyday lives, we would have encountered or experienced many
interpersonal conflicts. By understanding our own emotions along with that of
others, we would probably be able to handle such situations better. In this
blog post, I will be sharing about a hypothetical interpersonal conflict. Consider
the following scenario:
Jane
is a young woman who takes the MRT train to work every morning. On one
occasion, she was sitting on the ‘Reserved’ seat. As she was too engrossed with
the show she was watching on her iPad, she did not notice a middle-aged woman
with an injured leg, entering the train. The woman started to get annoyed as she
was not offered any seat. She then exclaimed loudly to the other commuters, “Young
people these days, have no courtesy. There is an injured person standing in
front of her. Yet she pretends not to know and continues to sit down. She obviously
does not know what the purpose of the ‘Reserved’ seat is.” Jane was miffed by
the comment. However, she stood to offer up her seat to the woman, without
saying a word. After the woman sat down, she continued glaring at Jane and made
nasty remarks about her. These remarks
angered and embarrassed Jane. As she could not contain her emotions any longer,
she retaliated verbally and this started a heated argument between her and the
middle-aged woman.
In
my opinion, this conflict could have been easily avoided if the woman had asked
Jane for the seat more politely. While she was entitled to sit on the ‘Reserved’
seat, her tone seemed to come across as demanding and authoritative. She could
have been too self-centered by thinking only of herself and not what Jane would
have felt after hearing those sensitive comments. If she had placed herself in
Jane’s situation, she would have understood that perhaps it was an honest
mistake to not notice her and her injured leg. She probably could have said
instead, “Excuse me Miss, do you mind if you give up your seat to me because
I’ve an injured leg?”
Even
after she sat down, she should not have continued giving nasty remarks. She could
have taken Jane’s silence as a signal to say, “Okay. I’ve given up my seat to
you so please don’t comment any further.” However, Jane could also have
apologized and remarked politely that she did not noticed the woman earlier on.
This probably could have calmed the woman down and made her think twice before
giving further comments. If it was impossible for Jane to communicate with the
woman in a gentle manner, she could have moved to another section of the train
to avoid the verbal conflict. However, I admit that sometimes it would be
difficult to contain your emotions, especially after receiving nasty remarks or
insults. It would be best though to try to avoid any conflict in the beginning,
instead of starting one and thinking of how to resolve it later on.
What
would you have done to resolve this conflict if you were Jane? Feel free to
give any comments.
Hi Ashikin, your post is very relevant and real in regard to the way people behave on MRTs today. Because of the reserved seat, a "hierarchy" is instantly formed and some people may naturally feel that they have more right to take the seat than others. I agree with your views, that Jane was in a tight spot, and it would take great lengths for her to control her temper in such situations. I think if I were in her position, I may feel the need to talk back to the lady to defend my stand too. More often than not, we find it hard to extract ourselves out of a conflict when it happens. Hence, when possible, I feel that the best way to do would be to avoid conflicts in the first place and remain calm if we are unwittingly trapped in such situations.
ReplyDeleteOne other thing Jane could have done in future would be to be more aware of her surroundings and look up from her ipad from time to time to check if someone was in need of her seat. This should apply to everyone sitting down and not just the reserved seat though.
Good post!
Kaylyn
Hi Ashikin, I think that your scenario is very relevant in the context nowadays and I do come across similar situations like this where older people often demanded passengers to give up the reserved seat for them. I feel that Jane should avoid sitting on the reserved seat, especially in rather crowded trains. Very often, we are not aware of our surroundings and neglect the people who need the seat more than we do. If Jane chose to sit on the reserved seat, she should be more attentive to the surrounding and she should give up her seat as soon as she spotted someone who needs the seat more than she does.
ReplyDeleteI also feel that there is a need for Jane to apologise to the woman and explain herself clearly before the woman could scold her. Definitely, Jane should not have retaliate verbally at the woman because I feel that it was Jane's fault for not being sensitive to her surroundings and did not give up her seat to the woman.
It is very common to see unoccupied reserved seats in the MRT nowadays and I feel that a correct mindset has been successfully instilled in today's Singaporeans to allow the needy people to have the reserved seats instead. Singaporeans would rather leave the seats empty to avoid such potential interpersonal conflict that may arise if they were to occupy the seats.
Jolene has actually said it all. An apology from Jane would have nipped the issue in the bud.
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